I barely even recognize the person in those pictures anymore. It’s like it was a dream or something and I woke up with this “new” body.
But that’s not the case, this has been a 2 1/2 year fight. I clawed my way here, it was not easy. I had month long plateaus and moments where all I wanted was a giant greasy burrito….and gave in. I haven’t been perfect on this journey, there’s no such thing.
I was… blessed? cursed? I don’t know what to call it, with two different eating disorders to get to the person in the pictures above, they weren’t to the point where some people get, but an eating disorder is an eating disorder. I spent my senior year of high school eating about 700-900 calories a day, binging occasionally (I lost 30 lbs that year). Then I spent the first year of my marriage binge eating like it was my job. (I gained 60 lbs that year) I would eat a plate full of waffles with syrup, an entire bag of tortilla chips, an entire medium pizza, order of bread sticks and 1/2 order of cinnasticks, plus lunch. What is that like 3500 calories? And that’s just one day.
I have always used eating food as a way to control my life. The summer before my senior year of high school, my band director died suddenly, it was like the world was ripped out from under me. So, I hyper-controlled my food. My freshman year of college, a friend from middle school committed suicide. I started hiding food from my room mate and mini-binging when she wasn’t around (I gained 30 lbs that year). I got married when I was 21, and I guess maybe all the new responsibilities just got to me, so I ate. And ate. And ate. And wound up at 276 lbs. Maybe more then that, I shockingly avoided the scale.
Do I wish that I had never gotten that big? Of course. Would I give up the experiences that I’ve had over the last 2 1/2 years? Not on your life.
The weight gain was a mental thing. And I needed it. I really did. I’m not ashamed that I was fat. I’m not ashamed of my extra skin or stretch marks. Does the extra skin frustrate me sometimes? Sure. But I’m not ashamed of it.
It’s a reminder. I have 10 lbs to my ultimate goal weight, but honestly, I don’t know how much I care if I get there now, I’m healthy. I’m active. And I want a baby. Stay tuned ;)
So. Let’s make it official.
M E A S U R E M E N T S —
highest - 280 lbs.
275 lbs. 276 lbs.
now - 175.3 lbs (-100.7 lbs)
Total Inches lost: 73.625”
Total Pounds lost: 100.7 lbs
Total Percent Lost: 36.5%
(Picture just for good measure. I look ridiculous and I kinda love it.)
I guess it’s time to pierce my nose!
P.S. I feel like I’ve joined a super secret club!