Name: Sarah

Height: 5’10”

Eye color: Brown (light brown)

Birthday: Nov. 24th (gonna be 26!)

Favorite color: blue-grey

Best school subject: Math (sans the whole dyslexia thing) but science is slowly gaining

Mac or PC: MAC

Gamer:

Day or night: Day

Celebrity crush: The Rock or Henry Cavill

Coffee: Never (gives me a headache)

Favorite food: Mongolia chicken (low oil) with brown rice and garlic broccoli. Popcorn.

I barely even recognize the person in those pictures anymore. It’s like it was a dream or something and I woke up with this “new” body.

But that’s not the case, this has been a 2 1/2 year fight. I clawed my way here, it was not easy. I had month long plateaus and moments where all I wanted was a giant greasy burrito….and gave in. I haven’t been perfect on this journey, there’s no such thing.

I was… blessed? cursed? I don’t know what to call it, with two different eating disorders to get to the person in the pictures above, they weren’t to the point where some people get, but an eating disorder is an eating disorder. I spent my senior year of high school eating about 700-900 calories a day, binging occasionally (I lost 30 lbs that year). Then I spent the first year of my marriage binge eating like it was my job. (I gained 60 lbs that year) I would eat a plate full of waffles with syrup, an entire bag of tortilla chips, an entire medium pizza, order of bread sticks and 1/2 order of cinnasticks, plus lunch. What is that like 3500 calories? And that’s just one day.

I have always used eating food as a way to control my life. The summer before my senior year of high school, my band director died suddenly, it was like the world was ripped out from under me. So, I hyper-controlled my food. My freshman year of college, a friend from middle school committed suicide. I started hiding food from my room mate and mini-binging when she wasn’t around (I gained 30 lbs that year). I got married when I was 21, and I guess maybe all the new responsibilities just got to me, so I ate. And ate. And ate. And wound up at 276 lbs. Maybe more then that, I shockingly avoided the scale.

Do I wish that I had never gotten that big? Of course. Would I give up the experiences that I’ve had over the last 2 1/2 years? Not on your life.

The weight gain was a mental thing. And I needed it. I really did. I’m not ashamed that I was fat. I’m not ashamed of my extra skin or stretch marks. Does the extra skin frustrate me sometimes? Sure. But I’m not ashamed of it.

It’s a reminder. I have 10 lbs to my ultimate goal weight, but honestly, I don’t know how much I care if I get there now, I’m healthy. I’m active. And I want a baby. Stay tuned ;)

So. Let’s make it official.

M E A S U R E M E N T S —

Weight:
highest - 280 lbs.
starting - 275 lbs. 276 lbs.
now - 175.3 lbs (-100.7 lbs)

Total Inches lost: 73.625”
Total Pounds lost: 100.7 lbs
Total Percent Lost: 36.5%

(Picture just for good measure. I look ridiculous and I kinda love it.)

I guess it’s time to pierce my nose!

P.S. I feel like I’ve joined a super secret club!

It’s me. Margaret.Sarah.

I haven’t tumbled in a while. Which in this case is a good thing.

I’ve been staying busy working out, cooking and hanging out with my husband.

(Who actually bought a bike on Friday. Which is a huge deal. If you know me. You know why.)

Not much has changed though. Amy (my trainer) is still trying to kill me. I’m still teeter-tottering the 190 mark (come on 180s, 1st time since I was 19). Still eating healthy. Am now trying to get this whole maid of honor thing going. Have a gyno appointment Wednesday morning, am very nervous. Haven’t been in 5 years, and my fear of infertility is huge. Will also be looking into my bio and calc textbooks. And my dads tremor is definitely worse, but nothing else has progressed soo.

Note: I guess this might need a trigger warning. I’m talking about my past eating disorder and binge eating.

Since I’m closing in on my first goal weight, I’ve been thinking a lot about my past. The way I thought of myself and how I ate. I mean, it’s really crazy how night and day it is.

As some of you who have been following me for a while know, I was mildly anorexic when I was a senior in high school (and got down to 165 lbs with no boobs and no cheeks, which, I think, for my frame is way too small.) It was the only way I felt like I had any control over my life. My senior year was one of the worst years I can remember. The summer before my band director died and the guy I (thought I) was in love with completely messed with my head. So. I controlled my eating. Majorly. I was eating like 900 calories a day.I was depressed and miserable and getting so much more attention and didn’t know how to deal with it all. (I can finally talk about all of this without crying…8 years later)

Then, my freshman year of a friend of mine committed suicide and I went in the exact opposite direction. I started eating. HUGE breakfast burritos for, well, breakfast and panda express or HUGE bean burritos for lunch. Going to the vending machine and sneaking pop-tarts and chips (because I didn’t want my roommate judging me). And basically eating when I wasn’t in bed. I didn’t gain the freshman 15, I gained the freshman 30. And when my boyfriend at the time made a comment about it. I was devastated. (Like the obligatory sweatshirt/jacket on lap to hide belly maneuver?) I tried weight watchers again, but couldn’t get the weight loss to stick. I started eating more and hiding food more and going out of my way to not see friends.

Fast forward a couple years when Pete moved out here before the wedding. We decided that we should do personal training to get into shape for the wedding. When he weighed us in, I could barely hide my shock when the scale read 214 lbs. I had NO idea it had gotten so bad.

So, we were doing personal training sections twice a week for an hour each and ballroom dancing lessons twice a week for 30 minutes. And yet. I didn’t manage to lose a single pound, why? Because I was eating like nobody’s business. Without fail after personal training, Pete and I would go to Wendy’s and get:

THREE combo meals: 2 with burgers and frosty’s and one with a chicken sandwich.

I would eat TWO large fries, the chicken sandwich and a large frosty. (i.e. almost more calories then I eat in a day now.)

Then there would probably be a snack of an entire bag or at least a bag of tortilla chips and for dinner on more then one occasion we would get:

TWO medium pizzas, TWO orders of breadsticks and an order of cinnasticks

We would each get a medium pizza and an order of breadsticks and then split the cinnasticks (portions people.).

Oh and breakfast was typically two bowls of cereal (fruit loops or something similarly sugary) or 4 waffles smothered in syrup.

After the wedding things only got worse, I barely moved off the couch and when I was on the couch I would be eating.

I’m not sure when it happened, but all of a sudden I just got fed up with myself. I was sick and tired of being sick and tired. And avoiding my friends. And being so angry all the time.

So…. I threw out all the junk food and started cooking. And I guess the rest is history.

But sometimes, when I think back, I’m still a little in shock at how badly I ate and how many calories I was taking in a day and how much I hated my body.

I wish I had just learned to love myself and accept myself sooner. It would have been a lot easier of a journey for me. And it breaks my heart now to think about how much I hated the sight of myself. AND how much I see others hating on their bodies too.

We HAVE to stop the shit. As someone who has gone through, pretty much, the entire range of weight loss, I can tell you now that diets and hating your body and criticizing and comparing yourself to other girls and models will get you no where…well no where other then a spiraling pit of self loathing.

I wish I could go back and talk to myself from 5 years ago. I would give myself a hug.

It does get better. And it does get easier. Hating yourself makes things so much harder.

Are there aspects of myself that I would still like to change or improve on? Of course. But. When I look in the mirror, even naked. All I do now is smile. I’ve worked damn hard to get to where I am now and thankfully I learned to love myself 50+ lbs ago. Because if I hadn’t I wouldn’t love myself now OR appreciate my journey.

tldr; Loving ourselves shouldn’t come when we reach our weight goal or even once we are almost there. Loving ourselves should start from the very beginning, that self acceptance is, in my opinion, the only thing that you need to be successful.

And I used to eat ridiculously.

1: Your high weight and current weight.

280ish lbs. I’m not 100% sure, I avoided scales. 229 lbs.

2: How tall are you? Do you like your height?

5’ 10 1/2” …. yes & no

3: A picture of your thin (fit)spiration. What features do you like about this person?

Honestly? N over at the fitwatcher. I know I should be politically correct and say everyone (which is true) or find a fit looking celeb or something….. but then it would be a little bit of a lie. Yes, there are tons and tons and tons of people who inspire me everyday here, but I’ve been following N for….forever and she’s just, amazing.

(Sorry for stealling your picture hahah)

Anyway, she’s tall. She’s fit. She just ran a half marathon and if you didn’t read it, wrote a really amazing post about it.

4: Your greatest fears about weight loss.

I’ve done it once before and ended up starving myself to get to the final result. Then gained it all back again

5: Why do you really want to lose this weight? Are you doing it for you?

I want to be healthier, I want to have an easier time finding clothes, I want to feel sexy(er), I want to have babies! I’m doing this for me.

6: Do you binge? If so, explain why you think you do. 

No. It’s not worth it.

7: Do your parents know you’re trying to lose weight? Do they care? 

They know, and they’re really supportive :-)

8: Your workout routine.

Strength training & yoga

9: Did people ever make comments about your weight in a negative way?

Not to my face, or not meaning it “that way.”

10: What was the hardest thing you gave up during this “weight loss.”

Hardest? I can’t really think of anything, I mean once my brain transitioned to the “oh that’s pretty much poison” mind set nothing was hard to give up.

OH! Sleeping in.

11: Your favorite fitspo blog and why! 

Favorite? I don’t know, I really love all the blogs I follow, although (shocker) I’ve found myself following more fitness blogs lately, who would have thought

12: What do you normally eat? 

Normally eat for what? Breakfast= granola parfait or “fried” eggs; lunch = cottage cheese & chip or PB&J; dinner = too many things to name

13: Are you losing weight in a healthy or unhealthy way? 

Definitely healthy.

14: What’s your UGW? When you expect to reach it?

177 lbs. *shrug* no time limit

15: Are you vegan or vegetarian? 

Flexitarian, is that’s what it’s called?

16: When did you first decide to lose weight? 

Time 1: When I was 17, I wanted a boyfriend and to be skinny. Time 2: Before my wedding. Time 3: November 2008, couldn’t fit into the shirt I got for my birthday. I’d had enough.

17: Do you have an eating disorder?

I did, but not anymore.

18: What food is your weakness?

It used to be sweets, but sweets are actually getting hard for me to eat now. So… probably salty things.

19: When is the last time you ate fast food? 

It’s been a few weeks … Baggin’s with Karen?

20: Favorite diet? 

Non-HFCS, non-processed food….oh right, I don’t diet.

21: What are your clothing sizes?

14/16 pants, Large shirt

22: What was your lowest weight? How and why did you gain? 

165 lbs. Depression, depression eating, emotional eater.

23: Did the media play a role in your wanting to lose weight? 

Maybe? Not significantly if it did though

24: Have you ever purged? If you have describe your first experience.

Nope.

25: What excites you most about reaching your ugw? 

I’m basically 5’11” do you know how hard it is to find clothes for being tall AND being big? Yeah, not fun. Clothing shopping. AND being able to do health/fitness related things for dates and such.

Finola, thought it would be fun to start a new fitblr meme.. So she tagged me…here it goes…..

Post a picture

- that you LOVE of yourself

When I broke 230! 220s baby!

- of yourself that you feel self conscious about

Right around my highest weight….

- of a meal that you love and is healthy (with a recipee link if at all possible)

Chicken Satay or Spicy Chicken with Veggies (recipes to come)

- of a meal that you used to love but you’ve given up for your health, with the reason why (i.e nutritional facts or the like)

This makes me nauseous to think about now, but I used to eat 2 large fries, a crispy chicken sandwich & a large frosty. I don’t eat fast food any more, and I don’t regret that for a second.

- of your favourite part of your home

Not my bed, but this is my bedding. I love my bed, we have a chandelier hanging over it too.

- of a person that you love and has supported you in your journey and explain how they’ve helped you

My husband. He supports me unconditionally. He’ll help me prepare meals (when he would rather be playing his guitar or Call of Duty) or makes me breakfast when I’m getting ready for the gym. He helps me plan my works out and tells me how beautiful I am on an hourly basis. I don’t think I could have gotten even close to this far without him.

- of something you love doing and helps you with your journey. This can be something fitness related or just a hobby or something that distracts you from binging.

Cooking, exercising & eating better have been a large part of my journey, but tumblr, without a doubt changed the entire game.


tag some other fitblrs!

thefitwatcher; myownbody; gettinghealthyinkentucky; robdoeslife1; kategoesrunning; enoughfluff; lizwasrunning; kickingatthedarkness (and anyone else who want’s to do this!)

Tag you’re it! xx

(A) Age: 24

(B) Bed Size: Queen (BUT I SERIOUSLY want a bigger bed, my hubs is 6’6” and we have 2 cats, I’m always getting pushed to the edge…of the bed, heh)

(C) Chore You Hate: Washing dishes or dusting

(D) Dogs? I like dogs, but I don’t have one - that being said, my parent’s dogs have turned the hubs off ever getting dogs….

(E) Essential Start Your Day: Husband kiss, check tumblr, breakfast & English breakfast tea

(F) Favorite Color: Grey-blue

(G) Gold or Silver? Silver

(H) Height: 5’10.5”

(I) Instruments You Play(ed): Viola, Clarinet and mallet percussion (mainly vibraphones).

(J) Job Title: Creative Director & Web Master

(K) Kids: None, yet! :-(

(L) Live: Tucson, AZ

(M) Mom’s Name: Carol

(N) Nicknames: Jazz, Kitten, SJ

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? I was in an ER at midnight before, but no overnight stays

(P) Pet Peeve: Lack of common sense, chewing with your mouth open

(Q) Quote from a Movie: “In finding the right person you need someone with all the right similarities, yet all the right differences. Someone to read your mind instinctively, yet cover your weaknesses.” —The Very Thought of You; “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn” — Gone With the Wind

(R) Right or Left Handed? Righty

(S) Siblings: Younger sister, who’s the best.

(T) Time You Wake Up? Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday: 6-6:30 a.m.; Tuesday, Thursday: 5:30 a.m.; Sunday: 8ish

(U) Underwear: Um, yes…..

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: Does cilantro count? No? Mushrooms

(W) What Makes You Run Late: My hair or Pete

(X) X-Rays You’ve Had Done: Arm, and I think my knee at one point

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: Pizza, enchiladas, granola, baked chicken, chicken satay, cookies, cupcakes, chinese orange chicken,cakes, pancakes, ratatouille, fish tacos, mac & cheese, Trail Mix, banana bread, fish en papillote, sweet potato fries, chocolate-zucchini cake, baklava….should I keep going?

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: Otters. Or any type of cat

I have gotten a couple of questions about how I started my journey/ how long have I been doing this…

Well, I guess saying forever wouldn’t be helpful, so…

In October 2009, I couldn’t find any clothes that fit me. I was practically living in sweats & pjs…on the couch. I barely even moved. Serious depression.

I weighed in on the WiiFit and I couldn’t even look at the weight, just that it had gone up. A friend posted pictures on facebook from her going away party, I couldn’t believe how big I had gotten.

My loving husband could no longer convince me I looked beautiful, even cute or pretty were completely out of the question.

I don’t remember the day, but I remember the moment. I had had enough. I couldn’t believe I had gotten to where I was. After weight watchers, jenny craig, atkins, some weird grapefruit juice diet; how did I end up so big again?!

I went to my fridge and took out everything that had HFCS in them (you’re welcome homeless guys outside my apartment building) then I went to my pantry. That got raided too. Then I went and bought groceries.

I wasn’t sure exactly what diet I wanted to do, I just knew I needed to start eating healthier (which was difficult with my incredibly picky husband, who is doing AMAZINGLY now!). I made ratatouille first. I was shocked that, not only did I like it, but everyone in my family did.

Then, I got sick, and my healthy “lifestyle” got put on hold, then my parent’s told me their house was about to go into foreclosure, and the hubs & I moved out of our apartment into a little makeshift apartment in my parents house so we could help contribute to bills (and so that I could take a pay cut at work cause I, also, work for my parents… THEY’RE EVERYWHERE).

Now, my mother… is a hippy. She likes to eat healthy, no enriched flour, mostly huge colorful salads, she composts, and has a vegetable/herb garden.

When I first moved in, we took turns cooking, then, I found the Flat Belly Diet Cookbook, thumbing through the first time, some thing actually looked tasty to me, so I started trying some of the recipes/experimenting with them. I thought that maybe this was the diet I had been looking for.

Fast forward to June 2009.

I had lost 15-20 lbs at this point, mainly from cutting out HFCS and enriched flour, and a LOT more cooking.

My sister had started a tumblr, so I started one to make it easier to follow her. Initially, I named my blog self-taught, mainly because I was thinking of having it been a cooking/food blog.

I don’t remember how I stumbled onto the health & fitness community, but miracles of miracles I did! And to my surprise, there were actually some big girls, like me!

It was at that point that I decided to rename my blog to smaller-n-smaller, which might I add, to this day my dad still says “well, you are getting smaller n smaller” or “your pants are too big because you’re smaller n smaller.” I love my dad.

Anyway, where was I before I rudely interrupted myself? Oh, right.

Initially, I was hell bent against counting calories, I had counted points during weight watchers and I just didn’t want the numbers to control me anymore. I really wanted to just live my life.

After a few months of this, I realized, I didn’t really know how much I was eating, yes, I was eating healthy, but not necessarily portions.

So, yet again, I made a switch. I decided to start counting calories. But, because of my somewhat recent experience with jenny craig, I knew my body did not respond to less than 1200 calories a day because of my stint with eating disorders. I started off with sparkpeople, but eventually switched to myfitnesspal.

Since July, where I was 260 to now, I have lost about 30 lbs! Up to this point, I hadn’t even been able to lose 5 lbs. It really is all the little changes; the cooking, the lack of chemicals or processed foods, but the blogging I think has made some of the biggest difference.

Now, I know some people will think that at my size, this is really fucking slow. Well, it is. And good. I’ll have less loose skin. Also, past experiences with starvation had deemed that I should lose weight slowly now. And to be honest, I’m perfectly fine with that.

It didn’t take me 6 months to put on the weight, it took me 3 years. And if it takes me that long to take it off, so be it.

This has never been easy. Yes there are days where I really just don’t want to cook. But this really has turned into my life. It’s not a chore. It’s not something I’m faking. I don’t crave the foods I used to (thank gawd) nor do I think of them as something I am missing.

I don’t have cheat days; I do eat a cookie or some form of dessert every day; I don’t eat low carb or low calorie or any “diet” foods; and now, I have added in working out (til I feel like throwing up might I add, which is exactly how it should be)

This is a sustainable life for me. And I wouldn’t want it any other way.

So, in short (ha!) ….

How long have I been doing this? Since I was 14. (10 years) But more recently, about 9ish months.

How did I start? One step at a time.

Any questions? :-)

So I was filling out my Secret Santa fitblr questionnaire thingy and the last question was “anything else we should know about you” and I realized that to most people here I am just a random blogger who is working on becoming a healthier person.

I feel like I try to inject personality into my posts, but sometimes I think the randomness that is me is lacking. So, here you go:

• I’m a nerd. Seriously.
• I love Glee.
• I love to bake and cook.
• I’m not religious.
• I like classic design (like I have a light over my bed that is shaped like an old fashioned chandelier, but is just a cut out).
• I love sparkle.
• I’m working on taking better care of my nails (I was a nail breaker/picker for a long time).
• I’m learning Italian.
• I LOVE Gone with the Wind.
• Or anything movie with Humphrey Bogart or Lauren Bacall in it.
• My favorite color is a grayish blue.
• I love pomegranates.
• I used to play the vibraphone (like a xylophone, but the notes vibrate, it’s really beautiful.)
• My cats are my babies.
• I love butterflies (Husband has an ongoing joke that I’m scared of them, he’s a little crazy hahaha)
• I like being asked question, I like trying to figure out how to answer them.
• I love sweaters/cardigans, which is a little unfortunate since I live in AZ.
• I’m a little bit obsessed with perfume.
• I LOVE the magazine Real Simple.
• I’m obsessed with chalkboard paint.
• And Russian dolls.

So there you go :-) Hope you learned a little something about me so we can be closer now :-D

Anonymous asked: Tell us more about you.. youre married..how old? Do you live alone? Do you work or go to school? Details!

Sometimes I want to disable the anon just so I can know who are saying/asking such interesting things! Cause I <3 this question lol

I got married when I was 21, but only by about 2 weeks ahaha. I am 23 years old now. 24 in November (it’s my champagne birthday as ms. myownbody has informed me)

I am married, so I don’t live alone ahaha. I have 2 cats (Sophia “Nophie” Loren & Brigitte “Widget” Bardot).

I live and work for my parents. But I did earn my job. My parents own their own business and it got hit pretty hard, so I took a HUGE pay cut and could no longer afford my apartment, so I moved back to their home (which was in foreclosure, and helped pay for groceries so they could fight to keep their house, which is no longer in foreclosure, yay! but I’m still being paid very little.)

So, I work “full-time” and go to school part time. Full-time is in quotes because we have no real set hours and I work ridiculously fast lol

Um. I go to school for web & graphic design at a local community college, but am going to start taking nutrition classes next semester because the design classes bore the crap out of me.

Um, I really can’t think of anything else. I’m a pretty boring person hahaha

If there is anything else that you specifically want to know, just ask :-D

So, I can never ever remember to do these things, but this one had one particular question that I really wanted to do, I cried during it, but I still wanted to do it….(day 17)

day 1 - your favorite lyrics and why

It’s a tie between La Vie Boheme (Cast of Rent), No Air (Jordin Sparks), Sweet Escape (Gwen Stefani), Mercy (Duffy), Waiting on the World to Change (John Mayer) & Airplane (Imogen Heap—daughters future name, Imogen, not Heap)

Because they all touch my heart, make me cry or make me really FEEL.

day 2 - ten facts about yourself

1. I’m 5’ 11”
2. I was border-line anorexic
   
3. I’m dyslexic
4. I suffer(ed) from depression & was medicated, was over being medicated, stop taking the meds & changed my life (style)
5. I love to cook
6. I bake when I’m stressed
7. I would easily have a gift basket company
8. I’m a web designer (& graphic designer)
9. I work for my parents, but earned the position
10. When I was little I didn’t want to go to Paris, but Italy instead
    

day 3 - a list of all of the best friends you’ve had through the years

kelly, jackie (still), becky, torrey (still), ester (miss her so), danielle, ursula, husband, little sister, sophie & brigitte

day 4 - why you have a tumblr

my little sister had an awesome one, wanted to be able to read it easier. Started following one-twenty-five, decided to start my own weight loss blog.

day 5 - goals in life

1. Write a cook book
2. Learn more about nutrition
3. Teach little kids nutrition, it BREAKS my heart to see obsess children
4. Have a baby
5. Do something amazing/make a significant difference in someone’s life.
   

day 6 - past/current relationships

First kiss, 18, ass. First boyfriend, 18, broke up with me cause he thought I was only dating him to get a date to prom. Second boyfriend, same as first, both his friend wanted me to cheat on him with them. Third boyfriend, friend from high school, bad. Fourth boyfriend, emotionally & mentally abusive, dad & Husband would really like to kick his ass. Fifth boyfriend, Husband. Meet when I was almost 19, married when I was 21 (by 2 weeks) have been married for 3 years in December, have been together for 4 1/2 years.

day 7 - a description of your wardrobe

Casual comfort? Jeans & tee shirt everyday…. would like to get out of that a little when i lose the weight.

day 8 - a little about your family

I have the most awesomest little sister ever. She cracks me up on a regular basis and is all around rad. I have an amazing Husband, just talk to him for a few minutes and you’ll see that. Work for my mom & dad & their publishing company.

day 9 - animals you love and animals you hate

Love my kitties, don’t hate any animals! (especially love any type of cat, pandas, penguins & elephants)

day 10 - what you have hanging on your walls

wine crates to make shelving. My room is concrete blocks sooo….you can’t really hang anything.

day 11 - your favorite movie and why

Gone With the Wind, To Have & Have Not, Monsoon Wedding, Princess Bride, Amelie

Because obviously they are the most bestest movies ever….

day 12 - your reaction to scary movies

HATE! Gives me nightmares! RAWR!

day 13 - the object to your left (which is your weapon in the zombie apocolypse)

Lotion or water bottle….well lotion could sting their eyes….

day 14 - your daily routine during the summer

Make breakfast, work, home, make dinner

day 15 - your daily routine during school

Make breakfast, work, school, home, make dinner

day 16 - your favorite book and why

Bridget Jones’s Diary, Gone With the Wind, Ella Enchanted

day 17 - a letter to a person you miss dearly

Dear Dexter:

Right before the summer of my junior year, E and talked about how amazing it would be to come back after we graduated and visit you and all the new little bandies. When I got the call that you had died, I just crumbled to the floor in tears. I felt like my soul had been ripped out of my chest. I haven’t voluntarily picked up my clarinet since your funeral. I know that is probably disappointing to you, but it hurts too much. I miss you every day and think about you more often then I would like to. Music is no longer the same for me, which I guess again, would be disappointing.

I am so happy that I got to play the show you wrote though, every time we played it, it was so emotional.

I hope that it will start to get easier soon, but, it’s been 5 years and it’s not any easier.

day 17 - physical things you love about yourself

My hair, my eyes, my legs

day 18 - physical things you hate about yourself

I don’t HATE anything. I would like to lose some more inches though.

day 19 - personality traits you love about yourself

My compassion

day 20 - personality traits you hate about yourself

I care too much & I have a temper.

day 21 - concerts you’ve been to; who were they and when?

Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, a Showcase (when I was like in 3rd grade & was a local radio station, had Hoku, but thats the only name I remember….) I’m not a big concert goer…

day 22 - what you wear to bed

Husband’s tee shirt & if it’s cold pj bottoms

day 23 - describe your bedroom

Serene. Have an awesome faux-chandelier over bed. Anthropologie-ish style.

day 24 - any magazine subscriptions? which ones and why?

Cosmo, In Style? I don’t know, I don’t really read them. LOVE Real Simple though.

day 25 - who you text most often

Sister, E, J, T & Husband.

day 26 - your favorite store to shop at and why

ANTHROPOLOGIE!!!! Ahhh

day 27 - your celebrity crushes through the years

John Corbett (Aidan from Sex & the City). Alexander Skarsgaurd. Any tall man in Hollywood…haha

day 28 - any instruments you play/want to play?

Clarinet, xylophone/marimba/bells but especially VIBES! Know a little flute & sax.

day 29 - any collections? what of?

Gone With the Wind books, Russian Dolls, Cookbooks, Earrings (count?) Used to collect basketball cards. Had a huge Michael Jordan collection and someone stole it from me.

day 30 - a picture of anything you want.

Helpful.